Thursday, November 02, 2006

Things About Me

I am not permitting myself any further time talking about my Surfman in a Wetsuit story until I have reached at least 8,000 words. Sadly my wee daughter has a bad cold and isn't well so I can't get any writing done until she's recovered. In the meantime:

Thirteen Things about JUDY
1. After a lengthy Pans People obsession, at primary school my friends and I used to volunteer to do a dance for the class every Friday (!) We did everything from The Nolan Sisters to imitating our version of the can can wearing silky shorts. Strange.
2. In my youth the thing I wanted more than ANYTHING in the world and never ever got – was a pair of skin tight satin disco pants (like Sandy in Grease). Gutted but maybe there’s still time?
3. At primary school I was heralded as something of a genius poet. Sadly reading the poems back – I realise this was largely a hyped achievement because of my youth i.e. the poems stink.
4. At age four I did a ballet routine to a crowded concert hall whilst picking my nose.
5. I met Canadian singer Bryan Adams and gave him an easter egg when I was sixteen. It was early in his career and he was very pleased at the adoration.
6. I played the part of JOSEPH in the school nativity when the real boy Joseph backed out, wearing my dad’s dressing gown and a t towel on my head. Oh and I had a big stick too.
7. I was in intensive care in Belgium, during a school history trip, when I was thirteen. I got to fly home FIRST CLASS.
8. I’m afraid of spiders and once murdered a large one with a mop in the dark.
9. The only things I’ve ever won was a revolting lump of wood necklace encrusted with gaudy mother of pearl at a jewellery party. We parted ways swiftly. And a certificate for making a batik bag at school (second prize)!?
10. When I was in primary school I had two small toys – a turtle and a wooden elephant – that used to go everywhere in my pocket and I talked to them at break time.
11. I once had a spooky encounter from the spirit world involving my pet cat doing strange things.
12. I once auditioned for and was rejected by the dating tv quiz show Blind Date (my two best buddies were rejected also so my ego didn’t crumble too badly!)
13. I used to be in love with Donny Osmond and even had socks with his face on (I was only very young at the time).


madredhead said...

1. Did you use a hairbrush or hairdryer? The Nolans now there was a proper band.. Nothing, however beat Tracey Ullman's Breakaway or Never Been to Me, by whatsername.. Having said that did once win a talent competion in a three part all girls band with a cover of the Lion Sleeps Tonight. Where would All Saints or the Sugar Babes if they hadn't seen or heard of that performance!

2. Ditto.. But at least I finally have a clue about Christmas presents.. However will have to check whether they go up to your current size..

3. I was published at the age of six, for a masterpiece that Shakey would've been proud of. A princess gave away all her money to the poor.. (Doh, stupid) and it also included illustrations!

4.5.6 and 7.. can't compete.. and 8.. petrified but I can overcome when noone braver is around.. with or without mop (BTW did you mean your barnet?)

9. The only thing I ever won was a nightshirt at the one and only Ann Summers party I have attended.. Now who hosted that party?! Came in a lot more useful than the phallic shaped ice shapes I actually paid for.

10. used to eh Jude... Is that an elephant in your pocket.. or?

11. Been serving wine to your cat too..

12. And finally you may have been a Blind Date reject, but I would like to place on record that maintain I was only rejected because of you.. Ever the honest one, you told them you might write about it.. and they were gagging to get me on the sofa beside Cilla but thought as your friend I might do the same... I would like to add I will never forgive you for depriving me of prime time tv, however my embarrassed family, who threatened to discard any envelope from LWT bearing my name, will love you forever.

13. You didn't mention Donny's restraining order.. Amazing we thought they only came about in the 90s!

PS: 1.34am update.. is it the clocks going back?!


Judy Jarvie said...

You worry me greatly.

Can't say I'm surprised about The Lion Sleeps Tonight - weren't you in the original?

The story about the Princess giving all her money to the poor - Freud would have a field day with that one.

Oh and I totally forgot about your phallic ice cubes. Still in use at candlelit suppers in Stanmore by any chance?